Senti-mental

My friend asked me if he could borrow my photo albums because his brother is getting married in Australia. His brother needs some old photos of the gang. His brother will use it for a PowerPoint presentation which would be shown during the wedding reception. I gladly lent him my photo album. I also asked if he could scan the pictures because they are losing their colors.. It’s important that these pictures are preserved because these pictures documented our youth.

Whenever we have our barkada reunion, we always go back to our adventurous youth. I would bring out my photo album there would be laughter, sighs and misty eyes…

Every summer we would go to Tanay, Rizal for a three day camp. We did this every holy week. For three days we were in the mountain with no adult to watch over us; we loved the freedom. There was no electricity and the only sound we could was the call of the birds and the sound of the river. We scared each other with ghost stories until none of us could move or even open our eyes.

We didn’t even have a proper tent. All we had was a piece of canvas that we tied to a tree. We could only keep silent as we hear critters dragging empty sardine cans.They even dragged our pots and pans into the bushes.

There was a time when we brought a bottle of Chinese wine (sioktong) so that we could experience being drunk. Unfortunately, the sioktong was too weak for us, so all it did was to whet our appetite.

We cooked crabs, snails, and we ate papayas and bananas.

We shot birds. I could not remember ever me hitting anything at all! must be my eyes...he,he,he

There was a time when we did not know that there was a storm coming. We were sleeping when we heard the wind, thunder and lighting and the river getting angry. We were wet the whole night. When morning came, we were shocked to find that the river was raging and we cannot cross it. We had to climb the other side of the mountain so that we could go home. When we arrived home, I found my sister praying for our safety.

That was an unforgettable experience and it bonded our friendship.

We sang a lot.

(My daughter was laughing when he saw this picture of me.)

We did this for three years. Unfortunately we became adults and some of us got a job, some went to college; the camping stopped. Though we always tried to go camping again, work and study prevented it. Now, every time we have a reunion we always talk about going back to Tanay to visit our campsite, to relive our youth. But we never got around to doing it.

But someday we will go camping again...

Meekness is not weakness

Meekness does not necessarily mean weakness. There’s an interesting incident in the Bible about Jesus that is interesting because it’s interesting:

John 2:15 So he took some rope and made a whip. Then he chased everyone out of the temple, together with their sheep and cattle. He turned over the tables of the moneychangers and scattered their coins.

I was thinking how could a person who had all the fruit of the Holy Spirit could do such things; “Chased everyone out of the temple and whip their asses off…” I could never imagine a person who has love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faith, meekness, self-control do such thing.

Maybe its because I am thinking that if a person possesses all the gifts of the spirit he/she will become a pokerfaced, cold as to be unhuman and more like a zombie, afraid of showing any emotions lest he showed immaturity. I was thinking, maybe a person who possessed all the gift of the Spirit is a wimp, afraid of not offending anybody; and a cartilage-less jelly fish, unable to decide and unwilling to take a risk.

It’s this picture that I usually visualized about a person who possessed all the gift of the spirit. Of course, Jesus was a meek person but he is also a strong person, and he could be tough (rough) when the need came. David Jeremiah has this to say about Jesus in the temple: “Jesus is the prime example of a meek person. Was Jesus weak? Well, go back and watch him as He cleans out the temple. With a whip made out of cords, he drove everyone out of the temple courtyard in extremely short order. No one struggled with him. No one challenged him. I find it hard to believe some wimp could have accomplished this. No one wanted to mess with the Man from Nazareth…

I was reading a commentary from Wesley (thanks to e-sword) and this is what he says.” Having made a scourge of rushes - (Which were strewed on the ground,) he drove all out of the temple, (that is, the court of it,) both the sheep and the oxen - Though it does not appear that he struck even them; and much less, any of the men. But a terror from God, it is evident, fell upon them.” Ha, ha, ha, I can only imagine the terror of the temple money changers and the peddlers experienced.

I believe this verse showed the very humanity of Jesus. It’s good because at least I know that he is completely human (as well as God) and it shows that he too experienced anger justified as it is, still the incident shows that Jesus was not a stoic. His explosion showed his strength and authority. Of course it wrong to make a rule out of what happened in the temple. (Whip people when you’re angry because Jesus had done it…no, that’s wrong.) I am just imagining how Jesus must have looked then. But still it’s comforting to know that our Lord not only felt and showed pain, love, hunger but he also showed anger, truly amazing.

Pacquiao

How many sermons were shortened because of last Sunday’s Pacquiao bout?

The last time Manny Paquiao defended his title, our preacher unashamedly admitted to the pulpit that he is going to make the sermon a little shorter because of Manny’s fight. I admit I was a little shocked at the thought of Pacquiao’s fight getting precedence over the service on the Lord’s Day. But I understand, or I don’t, or maybe I can’t.

I have nothing against our boxing champion. He acn beat the hell out of all the Mexican for all I care but there’s something surrealistic about the Filipino’s obsession with Manny. Maybe it’s because I am not a boxing guy. I believe the sport is the devil’s sport. (My father was an avid boxing fan and if he were alive today, I think my father would also shorten his sermon.) It’s gambling, violence, sex, and hedonism all rolled into one.

I think boxing is the remnant of the Roman gladiatorial fights. You have two warriors in the ring trying to smash each hurt each other, drawing blood and getting cheers for every punch landed and blood spilled. This sport brings out the animal instinct in us, especially for the men.

But to each his own…But I believe the Filipino youths deserve a better hero to look up to.

When Bad things happen to good people…

Are you capable of forgiving and loving God even when you have found out that He is not perfect, even when He has let you down and disappointed you by permitting bad luck and sickness and cruelty in His world, and permitting some of those things to happen to you? Can you learn to love him and forgive Him despite his limitations, as Job does, and as you once learned to forgive and love your parents event though they were not as wise, as strong, or as perfect as you needed them to be?

And if you can do these things, will you be able to recognize that the ability to forgive and the ability to love are the weapons God has given us to live fully, bravely, and meaningfully in this less-than perfect world?

This is the conclusion to Rabbi Harold S. Kushner’s best selling book “When Bad Things Happen to Good People”. I got my copy of his book from a used book shop. I picked it up because of the title and the writer. Though I didn’t know that Kushner is a famous rabbi, I was more interested to find out what a rabbi thinks about the problem of evil.

The book is a good read. It explored the problem of evil based on the rabbi’s experience of losing his son to progeria, or rapid aging. The book is mostly a confession, and according to the rabbi, it is not a theological book. The book was not written for scholars, in fact I believe it’s the most accessible and honest book that I have read about the problem of evil. But I was surprised to find out that a rabbi, of all the people, would deny the omnipotence and omniscience of God so that he could live with the knowledge that his God is a loving God that his God is not a cruel God!

He is right to say that we do not need to defend God. But he is wrong because I think what he meant, by reading the book, by not defending God is to betray God. Tsk,tsk,tsk this is what happens when one goes to the other side of the problem of evil. I can not find comfort that we are living in an imperfect world made and governed by an imperfect God! I would rather find comfort in the fact that we live in a fallen world made and governed by a perfect God.

How do we explain suffering then?

It’s just the way it is, it’s because of the fallen nature of man—we are imperfect beings living in an imperfect world! I would not dare go to explaining and giving analogies but that’s just the way things are and I do not have to defend God in the same way that I have to emasculate Him so that I could find comfort in the fact that God has nothing to do with sufferings. I am more than willing to accept that God caused our suffering and that God is cruel because we will miss the point of redemption and salvation if there’s no suffering.

Suffering is a human concept. It is only an organism that has a concept of a deeper meaning of pleasure, not just animal pleasure that can experience suffering. Animals cannot suffer. They can be tortured, they can experience pain but do they suffer the way humans do. Animals kill their children yet do they show grief? For the animals, suffering and joy are the same. They are part of their instinct.

My point is there’s something in us that make us suffer. Its not pain but its how we deal with pain that make us suffer. Without faith in an all powerful God, our suffering will be unbearable. Job has said it very well, “God may kill me, but still I will trust him and offer my defense.”

God is not asking us to defend Him, God is not asking to defend ourselves, God is not asking us to defend our faith in Him, and God is not asking us to do anything at all but to have faith in Him that He is in control.

Suffering is something we have to live and deal with. To explain suffering and to rationalize it is something we cannot do, it is best to admit our frailty, it is best to admit our helplessness when faced with suffering.

Of course the Rabbi is Jew hence he do not believe in The Messiah, but the suffering of Jesus on the cross, for us Christian, is a proof that God knew our suffering.

But there’s one thing I agree with in the book. It is the need to forgive God. In our sufferings we must have the heart to forgive God, not because he has sinned against us for that is not possible, but we have to forgive God because even if we understood Him and have faith in Him, our suffering caused us to unknowingly and sometimes knowingly build resentments against Him.

Yes, I agree with the Rabbi that we need to forgive God, too. Not because of what he had done or not what he had done but because we need to accept Him as He is-God.

Do not be yoked…hmmmm…

2Co 6:14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers; for what fellowship does righteousness have with lawlessness? And what partnership does light have with darkness?


Hmmmm…this is an interesting verse from the Epistles to the Corinthians. The usual interpretation of this verse is that Christians should not have romantic relationship with a non-Christian.

About two summers ago I attended a summer Bible class on the Pauline correspondence. We were discussing the Corinthian letters verse by verse. And when we got to this verse, I cannot help but ask the teacher what is meant by this verse. As expected, the answer I got was that no Christians should be romantically involved with non-Christians (no atheist boyfriend or girlfriend, if we really think about it). I agreed, but then I asked a question that popped in my head. Who are the Christians?


How many times have I heard pastors used the term “non-Christian” to law abiding, good natured, kind and wonderful human beings who has the misfortunes of not belonging in the same church as the pastor’s. And this, unfortunately, gets me confused about love, about sharing the gospel, about many things, about the Holy Spirit. I had this weird experience: My college best friend is a not a member of my church and when I introduced him to one of our pastors as a member of another church (not an evangelical), he gave me a look as if telling me that my best friend is Satan. Again, I kept asking myself, who are the “real” Christians?

To confine the message of the verse to having romantic relationship with non-Christians is erroneous. First, the apostle Paul was telling the Corinthians to do not meddle with the pagans and the infidels. There was a clear distinction of who are the pagans and who the Christians are theologically and morally speaking in the Biblical times (there were few Christians then and the survival of the sect, maybe, was also on Paul’s mind). So, Paul was telling the Christians not to be yoked with them i.e. do not have anything to do with them! It was not a warning about romantic love alone; it was also a directive about not participating in the pagan’s affairs, in their celebrations, in their games, in their worship, in their promiscuity, in their trade and dealings. It was a call to live apart, to be apart from the profane world, to be a testimony!

The worship of pagan gods was the norm during Paul’s days. In fact when Paul was in the Aeropagus (Acts 17:22-23), the Greeks were worshiping a multitude of gods, and to make sure that they were not displeasing gods that they have not identified, they even had an altar for the unknown god. In times of polytheism and philosophies, how were the Christians identified? They were different! They worship one God. They were known for their charity and for the way they care for their brethrens. In fact they were so different that they were persecuted. The Thessalonians (Acts 17:6) even called them “the people who turned the world upside down!”

Now, I am thinking... why I am talking about it…here’s the reason:

I had this experience of dealing with a youth who have a romantic relationship with a “non-Christian.” I could not open the Bible. I could not open my mouth to rebuke the youth. It’s not because I don’t believe in church discipline, but it’s because I believe in love. Some may say that its lust, some may say that its love, some say many things as if they knew a lot about the person, but to tell the truth no one could tell what is in the youth’s heart. So, I did what was prudent, I tried to be understanding.

Anyway, I played my role as a pastor and told the youth about the difficulty of getting romantically involved at such an early age. I did not use this verse (2Co 6:14) as a justification for I know that if I used this verse, it would mean that all of the people in the church are technically guilty of “being yoked with non-believers.” For I see them dealing, cooperating, and participating with-"non Christians" daily. Maybe the best way to deal with “unauthorized” romantic relationships is to appeal to love, to understand the youth, to not smashing them on the head with the Bible but to try to show them the spirit of what the Bible is saying. I could not bear the thought of me being doctrinally correct but losing the youth and the other potential soul to be won. Another thing is, I believe being a Christian has nothing to do with church affiliations because even if you belong to a doctrinally and a legally true church but living a life that is an abomination to God…hmmmm….I wonder if that person could even be called a Christian. There’s an interesting little book “The Practice of the Presence of God” that I have read. It’s a collection of conversation and letters written by a monk and a monastery cook called Brother Lawrence. Here’s what he said:

“I engaged in a religious life only for the love of God, and I have endeavored to act only for Him; whatever becomes of me, whether I be lost or saved, I will always continue to act purely for the love of God. I shall have this good at least, that till death I shall have done all that is in me to love Him.”
Wow, this is from a cook who was converted at eighteen when he saw a leafless tree standing against the snow. No fancy theology, no doctrines, just plain love for God.

He has a wonderful prayer too:

“Lord of all pots and pans and things…
Make me a saint by getting meals
And washing up the plates”
Anyway…who are he Christians and up to now I am wondering if belonging to a church makes you a "Christian."

"Do not be yoked..." with unbelievers may also mean do not be yoked with the people in your church...

Just a thought.

Diyos ng Himala

I was practicing Recuerdos de la Alhambra when the thought entered my mind. Why not try this (tremolo) to Diyos ng Himala, a Filipino hymn by Celia Marcelo. So here goes an impromptu tremolo of Diyos ng Himala.

Quickie Post

I am at my friend's house, and Iam using his laptop for a quickie post. Our church's council had just finished our planning meeting. I am now the Associate Pastor (or the Assistant Pastor) of our church. I am praying that I will be able to...hhhhmmm...fill the shoes, so to speak.

So many opportunities for service has been opened.

Anyway, this is just a quickie I'll write more later....:-)

Friends pray for me :-)

On Handwriting, Notes, etc.

During college (I’m an education graduate) we had this subject called HPC or the Handwriting Proficiency Course. We were taught how to write cursive. The subject was difficult, but thanks to an understanding instructor, I got good grades. It was difficult because I did (and still do not) not write in cursive.

This is just an observation and not, in any way a generalization: among my pupils, the smartest usually have the most unintelligible handwriting. This drives me crazy because most of the times I could not understand them. But the surprising thing is, after deciphering the hieroglyphics, I findd that what they had written are correct! But the ones with good penmanship just do average on quizzes and exams. This is a phenomenon that I think every teacher knew. (Of course, as far as my experience is concern, this is more prevalent among the bioys.)

I think it has to do with energy, instead if channeling their energy to write beautifully, they channel their energy to think. This is just a thought. Another thing is the smartest pupils hate writing! They hate writing on their notebooks! “I know that already! I understood the lesson why do I have to write it down!” These are their complaints. But it’s true; they do know the lessons already. Usually those who do not have notes, I have observed, relied on logic to figure out the relationships in grammar and those who have notes, whenever difficulty arises, search for their notes, or sometimes they “peek” at their notes during quizzes. Of course logic is not always applicable in grammar because of the numerous and nefarious exemptions in the rules, but still its amazing how these pupils could figure things out simply by deduction (or induction)!

Here’s the psychologist Erich Fromm’s theory on notes:

“Students in the having mode of existence will listen to a lecture, hearing words understanding them in their logical structure and their meaning as best as they can, will write down every word in their looseleaf notebooks—so that later on they can memorize their notes and thus pass an examination. But the content does not become part of their individual system of thought. Instead they transform the words they hear into clusters of thought…which they store up. The students and the contents of the lectures become stranger to each other, except that each student has become the owner of a collection of statements made by somebody else…Students in having mode have but one aim: to hold on to what they learned, either by entrusting it to their memories or their notes…they are disturbed by new ideas…

(I remember cramming for my licensure examination. I did sample tests using reviewers. I read a text book on research, measurement and evaluation, psychology etc. knowing that all I was doing was for one purpose, and nothing else—to pass the licensure examinations. But after passing the examinations, I had no use for all that information’s temporarily stored up in my head!)

It’s intriguing, the relationship between intelligence, penmanship, and notes.

Anyway, I’ll write some more about my teaching experiences and thoughts (or other people’s thoughts he, he, he…) when I have the time.

Meanderings on God and Suffering, Freewill and etc…

God and suffering has intrigued ever since I can remember. Of course I didn’t know it was called theodicy then (from Theo-God, Dike-Justice, coined by the philosopher Gottfried Liebnez , the defense of the goodness of God despite the presence of evil). I and my friends used to drink and talk about God. At a certain amount, alcohol could make us think clearly and usually we talked about God. First, it would start as an interesting talk about God but then the guilt of blasphemy sometime overwhelms us, the conversation would turn to denying God. “God cannot exist because there’s so much evil in the world! Christianity caused so much pain and death in the world so Jesus cannot be the savior….blah, blah, blah…drink and be merry for tomorrow we will die…We talked like this until we were all dead drunk, until the guilt of drinking was overwhelmed with the feeling of disgust for Christians and the Great policeman in heaven.” In reality what we were doing was really al l about justifying sin in the presence of a Holy God, and the best way to do that was to deny God!

I believe that most of us come to a point our lives where we question the omnipotence, the goodness and even the existence of God out of genuine doubt brought about by the evil, suffering and the pain we see, feel and experience. When I was a teen-ager I used to go to the people living on the bank of the creek near our house. I did this because it made me feel better to see that there are people in worse living condition than us. Whenever I went there, I saw the pitiful condition of the people living there; I felt better. There was still no electricity and water in the area during those days, and the place used to be a rice paddy so the place was full of mosquitoes and flies. (The people, mostly from the provinces, were allowed to build their shanties with no regards to private property, zoning and sanitation by the local barangay politicians. The local politicians did this so that they could have votes during elections—public service was the farthest thing they had in mind. It worked. Overnight shanties were built; the population in our area grew exponentially. The politicians had their reserve votes that they indirectly buy by giving dole outs and T-shirts.)

I had seen poverty and suffering there. But there were times that instead of feeling better and being comforted, I felt disgust at the situation. The belief that a God who will, in the end, equalize everything is up there looking at the poor, promising blessing, comfort and joy while assuring the damnation of the corrupt and the rich, but seeing the continuous discrepancy between the preached goodness of God and the worsening of suffering is becoming a psychological condition a sort of Dissociative Identity Disorder or multiple personality disorder--It’s difficult to maintain equilibrium when you have two opposing ideas continually battling each other inside your head.

Epicurus, the Greek philosopher said it very well: “Either God wants to abolish evil, and cannot; or he can, but does not want to. If he wants to, but cannot, he is impotent. If he can, and does not want to, he is wicked. But, if God both can and wants to abolish evil, then how comes the evil in the world?” For the Christian, the problem is the suffering God of the New Testament. In the Old Testament, the early Jews believe in the total sovereignty of God. Every occurrences, every event whether they were good or evil was a direct act of God. Free will was not an issue for the early Israelites; they have total surrender to God’s sovereignty. “God hardens the pharaohs heart, God sends pestilence to the Israelites, God sends lying spirit to Saul…these occurrences are, for us Christians, doctrinal contradictions that must be reconciled in the light of the New Testament. Here the theologian, bible scholars and exegetes explore hermeneutics, early Jewish culture, history, archaeology, semantics, grammar, literature and Bible translations to find resolutions to the doctrinal paradox between the seemingly cruel God of the OT and the merciful God of the NT. (The heretic Marcion excluded the OT from his canon of the scripture, and because of this the early Christians were forced to create a cannon of the Bible—our Bible.) So, in the NT the will of God was divided into to two, the directive and the permissive will of God. God directly acts in the affairs of humanity (or an individual) and the permissive will of God can be seen in providence—God send rain to the good and the wicked; good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. Free will is a big thing for the Christians. Although a biblically the permissive will of God is a firm doctrine, but still even in the NT the paradox still persists.

How do we reconcile free will and God’s sovereignty? There are many illustrations that have been formulated to show the relationship and the paradox between free will and God’s sovereignty: There’s the blank book (we write the pages), the chess (God knows how the game will be played but he leaves the movement of the pieces, or choices, to us), the best of possible worlds (Leibniz) etc. But still the problem persists on how an omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent God could limit himself. The logical contradictions cannot be resolved, except by lessening God or freeing humanity. Anyway, the arguments could become too abstract to make them unintelligible.

The philosopher Hegel had an interesting idea, the process of dialectics. He theorized that progress or movement (or higher truths) are achieved as a result of the conflict of opposites. The formula is: thesis (an idea) + anti-thesis (opposing idea) =synthesis (or higher truth). Opposing ideas have incompleteness and because of this, a third idea arises. (Okay I’ll stop here because I’m beginning to get way, way over my head). I have heard and read Hegel’s dialectics used to explain (or illustrate) the incarnation of Christ. I think the dialectics could also be used to illustrate the paradox of human free will and God’s sovereignty (God’s sovereignty (thesis) + human freewill (antithesis) + our existence (synthesis)).

Unfortunately, what we always seek, as an enquiring mind, are explanations. We want explanations. I have wondered how the early Israelites survive their history by clinging on to one explanation to whatever happens to them as a nation—“It’s Gods’ will!” For us, the modern (or postmodern) people who treasure individuality and personal freedom more than anything else, this is an insane proposition—that everything happens according to God’s will. Where are we here!? We are free?! Are we not? (cf. The Pelagian and Augustinian. Arminian and Calvinist debates.)

I believe there’s no middle ground here. Although it is comforting to know that we can make free decisions (of course psychology, in general tells us that freedom is an illusion. Everything we do, the choices we make are all product of our upbringing, environment, physiology (animal instinct) etc. Physics also tell us that we are governed by the law of gravity, and in the quantum level, we are governed by the law of uncertainty which is a certainty itself! Wow, I’m beginning to have headaches!)

This is getting too long and I have to pick my daughter from school.

The problem is that we seek explanations, we seek doctrinal reconciliations. For Christians, being too Biblical or too dogmatic about the unity and harmony of the Bible down to the specifics could take its toll on the believers. I remember a friend of mine who cannot move on, spiritually and religiously, because he cannot resolve and accept the idea conflict between the sovereignty of God and human freewill—Biblical verses kept nagging him. He has been to many denominations. He cannot accept a limited God, but he also cannot accept a determined existence! Instead of finding comfort in the Bible, he found confusion. It’s not the Bible’s fault, nor is it totally his fault, maybe it’s the denominational (or cultic) dogmatism, maybe it’s just the way he is-- He cannot juggle two opposing ideas in his mind and keep his faith. Maybe my friend is swayed by his mood—“I feel like God is not in control, I feel like I don’t have freedom, I feel God is not almighty, I feel God is the almighty…” depending on the circumstances and, maybe even the financial situations. We all feel that way sometimes—absurd.

I am reminded of Sisyphus rolling the stone up a hill, and then watching it roll down again only to roll it up again, ad infinitum. Albert Camus believes that this myth symbolizes the absurdity of existence. But maybe, maybe it also symbolizes our struggle with faith in the light of what we want to seek--systematic understanding, objective knowledge, simple non contradictory laws etc... But unlike Sisyphus our existence does not depend on getting the meaning, of understanding, we don’t have to accept the myth because for us it’s all about having faith in God; not about having faith that we could make our existence meaningful despite its absurdity. It’s not about answers, or explanation about the absurdities of our existence, maybe its all about participation, just doing our best to live in faith like the early Israelites. Finding comfort that someone is in charge whatever happens.

A lot of people have asked me about the paradox of human freedom and God’s sovereignty (or between election and freewill) and I always tell them to be always on God’s side.

There’s no logical answer to the problem of evil, but I believe it is faith that keeps us going during evil times, not logic or reason. How may times have I seen reasonable or logical person, when cornered by problems, go to God and pray. General Macarthur said it very well: “There are no atheists in the foxholes of Bataan.”

Faith and reason, sometimes they don’t sit very well…

I’m getting hungry….

My gulay

There’s something wrong with my teaching style (or the lack of it). I am moody. I shout at my pupils (which is a no-no according to the theories of teaching). I tell them to shut-up, to keeeeeeeeppppppp quiet! Take your seeeaaaaaaattttttttt~!!!!!! Okay, you’re making me angry…….write “I will obey my teacher” one hundred times in your notebooks.

I threaten, I plead, I dance, I sing, I laugh. I pretend that I am crying. I do puppet shows with my shoes. I pretend to call the president of the Republic with my little Nokia cellphone. I sometimes program my cellphone to ring at a certain hour. And when the phone rings, I look at my noisiest pupil and tell him that his father is calling me and that I am telling his father that he is making my life hell, and that I am telling his father to beat the heck out of him….and so on. But after making the false call, and seeing the little guy’s face turn pale, the class can see a smile in my eyes and know that I am just kidding and then they will laugh. We will all laugh. The victim will laugh, and then we will all be laughing our hearts out! I have a noisy classroom.

We sing Ottis Redding’s “Sitting on the Dock of the Bay,” scouting songs, gospel songs, praise and worship songs. Why we even do Chinese versions (changgg-chungg-cheee-wooohhhhoooo).

We laugh.

We argue!


Truth is my pupils do not respect me!!!!!!

I can’t say if I am doing right.

I know this is not normal, but many of my pupils call me “Daddy.” One even told me that he wants me to be his adopted father.

I don’t know if they like or they think I’m Santa Claus (because of my belly which they love to punch).

My gulay!!!!!!

Pic of our school's scouting activities Oct. 25, 2008

On Marriage

On Marriage

During courtship neither person is yet sure of the other, but each tries to win the other. Both are alive, attractive, interesting, even beautiful—inasmuch as aliveness always makes a face beautiful. Neither yet has the other; hence each one’s energy is directed to being, i.e., to giving and stimulating the other. With the act of marriage the situation frequently changes fundamentally. The marriage contract gives each partner the exclusive possession of the other’s body, feeling and care. Nobody has to be won over anymore, because love has become something one has, a property. The two ceases to make the effort to be loveable and to produce love, hence they become boring, and hence their beauty disappears. They are disappointed and puzzled. Are they not the same persons anymore? Did they make a mistake in the first place? Each usually seeks the cause of the change in the other and feels defrauded. What they do not see is that they no longer are the same people they were when they were in love with each other; that the error that one can have love had lead to cease loving. Now, instead of loving each other, they settle for owning together what they have: money, social standing, a home, children. Thus, in some cases, the marriage initiated on the basis of love becomes transformed into a friendly ownership, a corporation in which two egotisms are pooled into one: that of the “family.”

---Erich Fromm, To Have or to Be?

Update

Praise the Lord for his blessings. The result of the Licensure Examinations for Teachers (LET) was released on November 17, 2008. I am thankful to God that my name was included with those who passed the examinations. I am now a professional grade school teacher! (Errrr… whatever that means…and whatever that entail…)

Another blessing is that my cousin Janice and her cousin Chayay (somehow most of the people in our church are connected either by blood or by marriages) also passed the tests for the secondary teachers.

I owe a lot to my family and our church’s prayer warriors (our silent service agents) who did a lot of praying for us. I am also grateful to Ate Violy and Ate Chayay for the reviewers. The reviewers did help a lot.

I had doubts whether I would be able to pass the exams because, truth to tell, it was a very difficult test (speaking for myself). I kept telling my friends and churchmates that I passed it by grace through faith alone!

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A lot has happened since I last updated my blog. I was appointed the acting resident pastor of our church under embarrassing circumstances, mainly because of me and my blunders. But after four harrowing days of mental torture, spiritual depression and guilt, I called for a meeting, retracted everything I said, and declined the residency of our church. God has shown me visions of what kind of leadership I would inherit!

I am not interested in the pastorate of our church, although sometimes I can’t help pushing ideas for changes but most of the times, in retrospect; they proved to be more destructive than helpful, so now I’m just the same old Kuya George (kinder, I hope) in the church. Although I am called a pastor (my theory is that it’s mostly because of my eyeglasses), I am not the pastor. Anyway, everything happens and will happen according to God’s will and not according to my will.

Being a resident pastor for four days is enough for me because in those four days, I had the taste of the enormity of the task! Maybe it’s because I am not yet ready for the pastorate! Or maybe I am not fit for it!

I am praying for the current leaders and pastors in the church for God’s blessing and for God’s empowerment.

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I am trying (very difficult) to learn Bachs cello suite 3 (the whole thing) in the classical guitar. It will take months for me to practice but I will try to master it. Learning classical guitar at my age is very difficult because the fingering is very different from rock and folk guitar. But the music is worth it. Its what I call mastubatory music, best played and enjoyed alone and in the privacy of my room (or house or home)!

Licensure Exams

I have taken the teachers licensure examination last Sunday, September 28, 2008 and I found the test so difficult that I don’t know if I’ll pass the test. A lot of people prayed for me and I prayed that God would answer all our prayers according to His will

I am grateful to ate Chayay and her mom, ate Violy, for giving me a copy of their reviewers. These reviewers helped a lot, and I was amazed because there are many questions (rephrased, of course) in the reviewers that popped up in the examinations.

Though I can’t remember the answers to these questions, I think the instantaneously-superinductive-recall (like a guess based on an educated guess) may (or maybe not) helped a lot).

This is how I did my review. Three days before the examinations, I answered all the reviewers and then I asked my daughter to check them. I could tell if I did well on the exercises because my daughter smiles when I got good scores and she shakes her head and tsk,tsk,tsked me every time I got a failing score.

The reviewer helped a lot; in fact, the test items in the reviewers are more difficult than those in the actual examinations.

But the torture of answering four hundred test items under time pressure is something I am not prepared for. After answering the first one hundred questions, my brain was already protesting. I was looking at the test booklet and I was thinking, this is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy…how can the government do this to me and the rest of us…they are torturing us!

Anyway, the problem was that after the first hundred questions, I was already stressed and bored to death! My gulay, the little imaginary ants in my scalp were making me scratch my head too often that the proctor (a soon to be retired school teacher who can’t help sharing the story of her life) was giving me a kindly, sympathetic and an amused look. (She told us that when she took her Board Examinations it took more than a year before the result was released. I was smiling because I was imagining the number of people who manually checked the test papers of all the examinees during those days. Judging by her age, I think the fastest computer during those days were the mainframes with the punched cards.)

I was curious about the philosophies of education test items in the examinations. I cannot divulge the contents of the examinations because I signed a promise not to tell anything about the examinations but I’ll rephrase some them in a safe way.
There are a lot of –isms that I cannot understand!

For example:

1. A teacher from Mars is a Lobotomist. How should he/she/it plan his/her/it lesson plan.
I. Bring a set of hardbound Encyclopedia Britannica and eat them.
II. Bring a CD/ROM of Encyclopedia Britannica and eat it.
III. Kidnap your pupils
a. I and II is correct
b. I and III is wrong
c. I,II and III not sure of anything
d. I only shows nothing and the rest is also

2. How can you tell if a teacher is an existentialist?
He/ She shouts:
a. "Hey! Grade ones! Existence precedes essence!"
b. "Hey! Grade ones! Essence proceeds to nonsense!"
c. "Hey! Grade ones! Existence proposes convergence!’
d. "Hey! Grade ones! I am dysmenorrheal today!

I mean, no teacher nor does anybody hold on to one philosophical (or even theological) system all their lives, nor does any teacher ever, ever, ever asks what philosophical doctrine he/she adhered to in preparing lesson plans and most of all in teaching! Who cares about progressivism, pragmatism, existentialism a—who cares!

A lot of questions are too abstract to be considered knowledge at all.
Naaahhh….I’m just feeling a little nervous.

What if I fail the licensure examinations?

Here are my options:

I could commit suicide to avoid facing the humiliation of failing.
I could move to the mountains, also to avoid facing humiliations.
I could take an M.A. from a university that sells M.A. degrees. This is a good solution; most board failures do this—get an M.A. or an MBA. Its like if you can’t get a license to drive a motorcycle, learn to drive heavy equipment! You may not have a license but you can always bulldoze (or bully) them…I mean…

Or if I fail, I’ll just do what I do best…don’t care what other people say or think!

But if I pass the licensure…hmmmm…I'll be cook spaghetti!

Off for a while

I miss blogging. I have a lot of things on my mind like the my upcoming teacher licensure examinations, church stuff that I thought I would be rid off (or free of) but things are not that good. There are things too sensitive to discuss here about our church, so, instead of blogging about it; I'm now praying and at the same time trying not to think about it.

Maybe when all the pressures and the stress are manageable I'll be able to think and write a littler bit about what's going on with my...hmmm...work, life and a little about the ministry.

For the meantime...review!

Kaori Muraji - Danza Del Molinero Fall

My gulay she's so good with the guitar and she's so cute!

Birthday and x-rays

I had my 36th birthday last July 27. Although I try to keep my birthdate secret for fear of being surprised at not being surprised on my birthday he, he, he,he. Not really for that reason it’s just that we (the family) all grew up with the thinking that birthday is an ordinary day especially if you don’t have any…hmmm…resources to celebrate it.

I received many blessings on that day.

1. My pupils and my co teachers gave me a cake and a birhday song that I will never forget. I beleive one of my (and our) pupil was teary eyed when she was greeting me. (Maybe she was nervous that I a going to eat her!)

2. The praise and worship team members did a testimonial on how patient I am as a music teacher (Hmmmm….if they only knew how many times I kept myself from committing seppuku in front of them…), and they gave me a long sleeved shirt that I will wear on my next sermon.

3. Our church choir cooked spaghetti and they gave me a gift, a framed picture of me preaching.

4. I was surprised because close friends of mine that I thought I had lost (because I’m a errrr….part time preacher now, they felt, and I sometimes do too, that we are drifting apart—drama here) came to our home and brought a cake. Unfortunately, or fortunately, I don’t drink now (though I have nothing against drinking) so they celebrated my birthday drinking light beer without me. (I could hear somebody or something whispering in my ear, “Hmmmmm…yummy San Mig Light!”)


A couple of weeks ago my blood pressure rose to 150 over 110. I immediately went to the doctor to check if I need medication to control my high blood pressure. The doctor told me to have my chest x-rayed, to have an ecg, blood analysis (or laboratory) and a urine test. Due to lack of funds, I first had a chest x-ray. I was shaken when the clerk told me to have another x-ray because it seems, according to the radiologist, that I had an enlarged heart. So I was x-rayed again but this time they did a left lateral shot of my chest.

I waited for two days, until I had fund for all the laboratory tests before I got the results of all the tests. I was so relieved when I found out that all my tests were normal. I had no problem with my heart, my ECGs are okay, my blood is okay, urine is okay…I was so thankful to God

Those two days tested my faith. I was surprised with myself, though I was afraid and I doubted, I was fearful for my family yet inside theres that voice that kept assuring telling me the results does not matter.

No, I’m not mystic nor do I hear voices but its something more powerful than a literal voice-it’s the voice of the serenity of being with God. (To think that I am not dying, yet!)

Dog bites and anti-rabies

Our dog Shancai (named after the leading character in the Japanese TV Novela “Meteor Garden”) gave birth to five puppies last Friday (June 27). I came home from work and I found four puppies scattered on our balconahe. It is rule that no one, even the owner, should touch a new born puppy when the mother dog is watching. It is a rule that every Filipino teach their children. So, when I saw that Shancai was not wagging her tail at me, I immediately understood that as a sign that she was did not want any help. I smiled at her and entered the house.

I did not want those puppies; we already had three native dogs and a Labrador. I was planning to bury the puppies so that I would not have to feed them. (The price of rice here in the Philippines doubled in the last few months.) I was thinking of a plan to get the puppies out of Shancai’s sight so that I could grab them and put them in a plastic bag and bury them or throw them away in a river. I know that when these puppies begin to look like puppies, I would not be able to do my plan; my conscience will prevent me. So, I waited for the opportunity, but it did not come. I know now that I will never be able to carry out my plan.

The next morning I found two puppies being eaten by ants. Well, nature took care of what I was planning. But it’s pitiful, heart breaking, really, to see a mother dog licking a dead puppy. It’s almost human, too human. I knew that if I did not do something, the other puppies will be killed by the ants too. So, when I saw Shancai wagging her tail at me, as if begging me to do something, I gathered her puppies and put them in a batya (washbasin), safe from the ants. Then I put the washbasin in the far corner of our balconahe. Then I put my daughter’s tricycle as barrier so that Shancai and her litter will not be disturbed.

But my gulay, my goddaughter, was bitten by Shancai. It was afternoon and my wife and I were both asleep when it happened. Though she did not admit and she lied about it, the neighbors saw that she went alone to our balconahe and then she came out with a bleeding finger. Our dogs, as most dogs in the neighborhood, are not vaccinated with anti-rabies because it’s expensive. So, I ended up paying a share in the anti-rabies shot of my goddaughter and my gulay, it’s a lot of money!

I cannot blame Shancai, though I was tempted to euthanize her because I am afraid she’s rabid, when I found out the neighbor’s version of the story, I knew that Shancai was innocent and the one to blame was the one who could think, in this case my goddaughter.

But I cannot blame my goddaughter too because puppies are irresistible.

My gulay, bad things happen and I’m having headaches.

Gasoline Blues and the Good Samaritan

I was riding my motorcycle when I noticed that the gas meter was blinking. I didn’t pay any attention because it always does that, blink. Gas is so expensive that I only fill my motorcycle twenty or thirty pesos worth of gas, and that’s about half a liter, so it barely touched the sensor in the gas tank, that’s why the gas meter is always blinking. (Half a liter of gas usually lasts about 16 trips to and fro my wife’s work place and to and fro the place where I take my afternoon walks.)

I saw the gas meter blinking but I continued on, I was thinking that the fuel was enough to bring me home. Suddenly I felt the engine choking, I revved it up and I got no response, I began to shake my butt (I could only imagine how funny I looked riding a motorcycle while shaking my butt). I was shaking my butt because the fuel tank is under the seat, hoping that drops of gasoline will get to the fuel intake hose to feed the engine, but it didn’t work, the fuel tank was dry as a dried fish. The motorcycle’s engine died. I was stuck in the middle of the road.

Then I saw a man with his wife and two children riding on a motorcycle. They approached me and asked what’s wrong with my motorcycle. I told them that I ran out of fuel. I recognized the man; he was my high school classmate. They were on their way to take their afternoon walks. He introduced me to his wife and children. “Ma, this is George, my high school classmate’” he said to his wife. I smiled and said hi.

Out of kindness and the old times, my former classmate unloaded his family and asked them to guard my motorcycle while we go buy gasoline. Of course Filipino modesty dictates that I decline the offer. I told him to go on his way and that I could manage, but he insisted. So I rode with him on his motorcycle to the gas station, and while we were riding we reminisced about our high school days, we talked about our classmates and how they are doing now, we talked about his family, about my family, I found out that he has a steel works shop, I told him that I am a teacher now and so on. I felt good because the spirit of friendship is still there.

It took almost an hour to buy gasoline because I had to look for a container. I found a used milk can and bought thirty pesos worth of gasoline. We got back to my motorcycle and I was so embarrassed to find his wife and children sitting on my motorcycle while they should have been walking and playing and bonding. It was already dark. I was so guilty that I apologized profusely and thank them with all the sincerity I could muster. My high school classmate and his wife told me that its ok because he can’t bear to see me pushing my motorcycle and that his conscience would kill him if he did not help me. I was touched by what he said. I said goodbye to him and we parted friends forever. I will never forget him.

The thing was all the time we were talking and up to now, I can’t even remember his name!

Rain in and out, Classical Guitar etc.

The rainy season is already and it’s beginning to rain and cats and dogs and acid and smog and curses in our town. (The citizens and the permanent denizens of our municipality are hoping that because we now have a supermall, our small town would, in the very near future, finally become a city. Now…what would happen if our small town become a city…better services for us the small town folk or better pork barrel for our small town politicians, higher real estate tax for our small lots or better rackets for the living dead, corrupt asses-sors…).

Back to the rain... It rained so hard that I thought it would flood again but thanks to (I dare not say God because this article (?) is…err… ungodly) the Philippine Atmospheric Geophysical and Astrological Security Agency or PAG-ASA the inter tropical convergence zone and the prevailing cold front was left behind and the convergence did not occur because the weather was controlled by an anti-Gloria Macapagal Arroyo old man living in Pampanga who always reverses what the Pro-Gloria government agency says. So if NEDA or the National Economics of Destruction Authority (through a machine called “the lotto number machine”) churns out figures for the GNP or the Gross National Poverty and GDP or the Gross Domesticated Animals saying there’s an increase in both of these meaningless acronyms, this little old man in Pampanga would use his/her power (I don’t if this old man is a transvestite) to reverse everything…

Hmmm….back to the rain…it rained so hard last night and because I haven’t fix our roof (money man, I need money!) it also rained inside and I can’t blame anyone except President GMA. That’s the price of being the president of this miserable republic.

Anyway to relieve some stress what I do is play the guitar. This is one way of relieving stress but…hmmm…sometimes when I wanted to play a difficult piece like this recuerdos de la whatever by Mr. Tarrega (the technique used is called “tremolo”, sounds like tremor to me) instead of being relieved from stress, I get depressed because, man, for someone who didn’t study any classical guitar, this piece is difficult. Except for the pinkie in my right hand, all the fingers are moving and it’s difficult to coordinate each one of them.

Work hard to play a piece and work hard not to forget them…haaaa…practice is the key.

Day to day

When our church’s choir held a prayer hike in Angono,Rizal, I was, thanks to the absence of the devotion leader who did not make it to the prayer walk (for reasons I know that only God understands) I, on the spot, led the devotion. After the devotion, there were singing and sharing. I am blessed because here I found people who know faith at a deeper and more personal level than I.

They shared how they were thankful for the blessings that God had given them; they were tearful because one of them was sorry because she felt she had not given God her best. These sharing times, I, and I am sorry now, I consider these as emotional encounters. I consider these activities as a necessity for faith in a psychological sense, therapeutic may I say.

What made me think this way? Maybe its because of the orientation of the theology I hear and read, eschatological—pointed towards going to heaven and to the second coming of Christ. Somehow the theology preached and written about (in my experience as a lay teacher and preacher(?)) has forgotten the day to day need for a theology especially for the Filipinos. It is concerned more with sanctifications and edification than daily survival. To the western this eschatological orientation may be well suited for their sense of history is linear, but to the Asians and the Filipinos whose world orientation is organic and the time perception is circular and hence everything is thought of as interrelated and interconnected and cyclical, its problematic. (Fr. Mercado)

So, I am, usually, dumbstruck, when I hear a church member testifying that he/she experience miracle because it did not rain, or when it rained, or when a son was not bitten by dog, or when accidents did not happen etc. little things that (for me) should not be attributed to God but to the laws of gravity. I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks this way and sometimes people who live and experience their faith this way, encountering God in day to day activities in small details, is looked upon with a “shrug my shoulder reaction” to more often than not, contempt. I for one, more often than not, even feel that they are sometimes being blasphemous for attributing to God’s hands even the minutest details of their daily existence. Here is Calvinistic Determinism at its worst! I say to myself.

Of course I am wrong, I am not going to talk more but its obvious that, in order for the Christian message to be concrete to common Filipinos this attitude of daily Christianity, this “Christian fatalism” had to be accepted and a theology that should respond to it must be formulated. Dr. Rodney Henry writer of Filipino Spirit World is warning that unless this is done, Filipino Christians will continue to live with a Christian belief that addresses their ultimate concerns (death and heaven) but is aloof when it comes to the daily spiritual needs of the Filipinos, hence animism and spiritism will continue to live side by side with Christianity.

So instead of daily occurrences being controlled by nuno sa punso, swerte, pagkakataon, matanda why not attribute these events directly to God for what does the Bible says:

For only a penny you can buy two sparrows, yet not one sparrow falls to the ground without your Father's consent. As for you, even the hairs of your head have all been counted. Mat 10:29

Yes, even the bad occurences in our lives.

CR Books

I was rummaging through used books at Booksale when I found a short story collection, “Sudden Fiction: International Edition.” The book is a collection of short short stories (2-3 pages) and for forty pesos; I did not think twice, I immediately bought the book because it’s the perfect book for our comfort room.

I read whenever I am on the throne depositing to mother earth all the processed fertilizers that I have accumulated in my stomach. It’s a habit. So I had books lined up in a makeshift bookshelf near the toilet. Usually the books that I put there are books that I had to review once in a while, there’s a book about logic, bible doctrine (yes, and this is not blasphemy) and sometimes especially, when I have LBM, I take with me, on the throne, classics like Herman Melville’s short (I wonder why they call these short stories in the first place when they are, in theory and practice, all epically long and I am talking about mere descriptions here!?) story collection.

The problem with reading books on the toilet is that when I become engrossed with a story or an article, I can’t stop, so I read on until my…hmm…dries up and when it’s time for me to wash my rect…rectifier… (We Filipinos wash, we do not wipe) I found it difficult to do because the thing is stuck dry on my…hmmm…rect…rectifier that I had to re-hydrate it to soften the hmmm… thing stuck on my hmmm…

Anyway, this book, “Sudden Fiction” is the best toilet book because the stories are long enough to complete the transaction and avoid dehydration through exposure to air of the…hmmm…

I have read some of the stories and although the collectors brag that they’re the best collection so far, for me there are good stories and there are some stories that are simply unintelligible…maybe it’s because of culture, language, subjectivity, relativity and the lack of motility in my stomach. Ehehhhhee..hhhheeeeee….

My Gulay there it goes again!

I know, I know. I know being a preacher (?) I should be circumspect with my doodling on this blog because I preach. But hey I am a human bean, subject to the laws of gravity and the laws of economics and the theories of Freud, such I require an outlet for my suppressed dyspepsia.

Anyway I sometimes wonder why do I have to explain myself, ahhhh…yes, it’s because there maybe people who may take this blog seriously that it may drive them crazy.

Focus…my daughter was watching a local TV series called “Joaquin Burdado” and as usual I treat local TV shows like these with my innermost contempt (hey, its super exaggeration) because these TV series are mind numbing in their lack of sanity, unity, coherence, structure, originality, plot, conflict and even if these TV series are meant for children, still these TV shows are deleterious to the intellectual and moral as well as supernatural development of the children in the Philippines! (Calling on the CBCP and its Evangelical counterpart CCBP to pray over these matters. I mean, they pray over a lot of things these days why not include this one.)

I was watching Joaquin Burdado (yes I watch it too and can’t you feel its effect in my doodling) when I noticed that the supervillain possesses the power of Peter Petrelli and Xyler from the TV series that I love, “Heroes” and I said to myself, there it goes again, even the plot is starting to transmogrify into a poor poor10 imitation of “Heroes.”

This blatant and shameless and immoral and all the negative words in the dictionary and out of it, piracy of ideas in Philippine TV is getting in my nerves and tissues. We have an agency that catches video pirates and we have intellectual property rights people protecting the rights of people and their patented ideas and we have the Philippine National Police and the NBI raiding small stalls for selling pirated videos and necklaces, and yet, oh, in the name of Zeus and all the mythical classic gods including the giant sequoia trees and all the nuno in the punso, why don’t they raid these thick faced TV networks who blatantly copy foreign TV series.

Every time there’s an American hit TV series shown here in the Philippine expect a poor clone.

These Filipino TV shows that boast budgets amounting to millions of wasted pesos are the true and worst kind of pirated pirates for in pirated movies and TV series and videos sold in the streets, the credit is still there at the end of the movies but in these local TV shows the credit is stolen and given to writers who lack the creativity and the basic intelligence to understand that there are people who know what they are doing.

Benediction of a Jedi Master: “May the farts be with them.”

Tutorials and Reading Problems

The flurry of summer activities in the church were finally over. The last one of these major summer activities is the VBS in Daraitan Baptist Church in Tanay, Rizal, currently in progress, where a team of teachers from our church was sent there to help in their VBS program. I love to be there with the teachers but unfortunately I had commitments, I am tutoring four pupils (thank God it was only four, it was supposed to be five but then I had to turn one down because I want to have a semblance of a summer vacation too).

I don’t know if I would be flattered because I had four tutorials, compared to some of my pre-school teacher colleagues who have less than me. I felt guilty about me looking like a swapang that I had to ask the head teacher if I had to share some of my pupils but my boss told me it’s ok because they have different rates (or fees), which is a little higher than mine (unfortunately the tutorial fees are so minimal compared to other tutors from other schools that to avoid having depression about money, which I badly needed, I try to comfort myself into thinking that these tutorials are my ministry or more appropriately a pseudo-ministry.)

I am an avid reader, so I said to myself that tutoring reading would be the easiest thing in the world for me to do. As an elementarily education graduate, I had more units in teaching reading and reading remediations than the secondary education graduates that I thought I would be well equipped in tutoring reading (I don’t know if I am making any sense here!)

Anyway, I didn’t have any problem with my grade three pupils because their problem is comprehension which can be easily remedied with Q and A discussions and a little lecture here and there on noting details and predicting outcomes. But I was not prepared when I encountered a grade two pupil (not from our school) that read some word in reverse! This wonderful and gentle hearted pupil of mine (I could see the determination in him to learn to read) read words like “to” as “ot” or “for” as “fro” and he kept forgetting the correct way to read these words though I tried to remind him of it all the time. Anyway it’s a text book case of (mild?) dyslexia and it’s the first time I encountered it and a little understanding about dyslexia made me aware that I was not dealing with an unintelligent pupil but a pupil with a reading problem and it made more aware of how to deal with him. Anyway I believe that he will be able to overcome the problem because he has focus unlike my other pupil…

I had another pupil who could barely read. This time the problem is attention. I cannot get his attention, his eyes are always wandering off, he is always scratching his legs, arms, head, he jumps up and down, and if I did get his attention, it usually lasts for about ten seconds only. Anyway I already diagnosed the problem and I don’t know if I’ll be able to help this one. My Older sister told me that cases like these needs medication to balance the chemicals in the subject’s brain…The difficult part is telling the parents about it.

My daughter and my boys

My daughter was kidnapped (he, he, he) by my mother and my sister and was brought to Baguio City to spend her summer vacation. Since my wife work and I am busy with church work, I was only too willing to let her be kidnapped because it meant freedom and mobility for me. (I try to keep busy because I find it relaxing to be busy. Being idle and doing nothing makes me think of crazy ideas, outlandish theories and theologies that I sometimes think I am beginning to lose my sanity and of course the danger of depression is greater when one is idle-- yeah, an idle hand and an idle mind are the devil’s playground.)

My daughter’s kidnapping lasted for five days and a month. I didn’t notice it but I was really being selfish already because I was not being sensitive to my wife’s…ahhhh…what do they call this…err maternal...in short my wife missed my daughter. She missed my daughter and every time she asked me when I would be fetching her from Baguio I always answered, “Let her decide.” My sister is relatively well off in Baguio (geographically and climatically speaking) than us here in Cainta plus the fact that my daughter had two cousins to play with there, the chances that she would be missing the oppressive summer heat of Cainta and us and that she would be going home earlier than my wife expected it to be was nil. I did miss my daughter too, but she’s with my mother and sisters so I felt secure knowing she’s with my family. But if she was with my in-laws in Quezon Province alone with my wife’s family, I would have felt the same way my wife did.

Anyway I know that my wife was already nearing depression when I passed by the sari-sari store (or mini grocery) where she worked with three boys riding on my motorcycle. These boys were the toughies in our church’s area. They are the bullies who beat children for no reason. They used to attend our church but since their bullying resulted in the drop of attendance in our Sunday School and junior worship, we were forced to ban them from the church.

But VBS (Vacation Bible School) came and they, as usual, were there to make life difficult for the other children and for the teachers. Berating them only resulted in provoking them and when nothing else worked, I grabbed them and told them to ride with me. I run errands for the VBS and I took them with me on my bike on these errands. I isolated them from the class and this resulted in “bonding moments” with them. In one of my errands I took them to a police station and showed them where delinquents are imprisoned. Naturally my kumpare (my daughter’s godfather), the policeman, played along and these kids behaved, sadly only briefly, during VBS. But at least they knew that I had a policeman friend and that is enough for them to look up to me as a sort of a toughie too, or a “benevolent siga.”

When I passed by the sari-sari store (or mini grocery) where my wife worked, she saw the boys, she told me, “How can you take care of other boys when you should be worried about your daughter” I smiled and told her, “Don’t worry she’s fine!” But I know that she’s missing her daughter and sooner or later I would have to fetch my daughter from Baguio.

A few days later, my wife cried the whole night and it was then that I decided to fetch my daughter. I borrowed money from a neighbor and after our church worship and meetings; I immediately and hurriedly went to Baguio.

Now my daughter is with us and so is her cousin. Now what's driving me crazy is she, being an only child, is now jealous of her cousin. My gulay, I am having headaches.

A Time to Read

Finally I was able to sit down and do some reading. When I came home from Baguio after featching my daughter and spending eight hours there, I brought with me some books that I “stole” from my sister’s library. My sister is a teacher of theology so most of the books I stole were (photocopied) theological books, books I cannot buy in the local bookstores.

I am reading about church history. I don’t know the title of the book because the owner of the book, definitely the book is not my sister’s because I know her handwriting, and the comments and the underlines are definitely not from a theology teacher. Maybe the book belongs to a student of my sister, who to save money, did not photocopy the title and the copyright page of the book. I love reading about church history and I have read more books about the subject than about systematic theology because it is more interesting to know the people and the social, political, economical and the general atmosphere of the era that produced theologies.

What I find interesting about church history books are the people and the little things like from the book I am reading now, I found out that King James to whom the King James Bible was dedicated and named after was gay, a certified licentious homosexual…I mean, maybe that’s why some people preferred calling the King James Bible as the Authorized Version or AV…This was the first time I read about this trivia, no surprise since the book I am reading starts with the reformation period of church history.

Given the chance of a seminary education, I would love to focus my studies on church history. Well it’s a long shot…I don’t have the money and right now I feel I am called in my church (not necessarily as a “titular pastor” but more of a teacher) to work. But there are other possibilities like an online seminary education that my sister told me to pray about. Studying while teaching and ministering…definitely this is something to pray about.

ECBC Children's Camp 2008

I am happy that our church's children camp was finally over. I was appointed by Kuya Noel and Ate Joy (the church's juniors' ministers) to direct the camp and we encoutenred a lot of problems along the way. We were short on funds and the camp site that we used last year, which was free of charge, was booked. So, we were forced to search for a new campsite and God has provided us with a better campsite owned by a Chrisian businessman and ran by a pastor who incidentally knew a missionary that Kuya Noel and Ate Joy knew and the rest is...a conversation about connections.

Anyway God has shown his faithfulness and I was blessed by the experience of directing the camp.

Happy to be Busy

After graduation I thought that I would be able to relax and sitdown and enjoy...etc. But that's now what happened, I was so enrossed in church work that I can't find the time to read, blog and play the guitar, three things I enjoyed the most. I was involved in the church's Vacation Bible School, Choir retreat, visitations, junior church camp and now the church is conducting a music and arts summer seminar. I was also honored to preach at Daraitan Evangelical Baptist Church. I was nervous becuase Daraitan has a congregation of about 30 members. The intimacy of preaching in a small church ( compared to our church which has an average attendance of around a hundred or more attendees) is intimidating.

I am happy to be busy becuase this meant I had a lot of experiences to share that I can use in my sermons.

Don Mclean - Castles In The Air

One of my favorite folk singers. He is old now but he still sings beautifully. Don McLean was the inspiration for Roberta Flock's "Killing Me Softly."

"Inspired by a Don McLean gig at L.A.'s Troubadour, folk singer Lori Lieberman jotted down the idea for the song, then took it to Gimbel and Fox (of Happy Days fame). Flack heard Lieberman's recording on an in-flight radio station and "absolutely freaked," she said. She tracked down the songwriters, then spent three months in the studio with Dorn perfecting the track."

Rolling Stone

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Comments Moderation

I have activated my blogs comment's moderation, not becuase I am receiving a lot of comments, but because lately I have been recieveing comments from outer space! Some of them, I suspect, are viruses or germs or digital satan out to make my digital life miserable. ECBC Blog, my church's blog, has recieved comments from hell and I can't delete them!

My PC was imfected with a virus and a spyware, according to Gilbert the computer guy. It kept shutting down (I accidentaly wrote shitting down he, he, he...it's a good thing I saw the error!). The PC was reformatted and all my files disappeared. I made a back up but I can't find the CD.

Talk about temporary memory gap and memory loss.

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Book List

Here are some of the books that I have just finished reading:

1. The Story of Philosophy by Will Durant.


I bought this paper back brand new. I removed the price tag because I don’t want my wife to see how much it costs. I feel guilty buying brand new books because a brand new paperback here is equivalent to almost fifteen kilos of rice, enough rice for us for two weeks but the book is worth it.

Dr. Durant described Kant as, “…like and unlike Jehovah. He speaks through clouds, but without the illumination of the lightning flash.” I have tried reading Kant’s “Critique of Pure Reason” and after a few pages I gave up. I was confused, discouraged and sick (all those abstract words!). But after reading that Kant’s friend, Herz, a man versed in speculation according to Dr. Durant, returned the book half read saying he feared insanity if he went on with it I am challenged to reread it again, maybe for…hmm…fun or torture.” Maybe next year I will reread the book again, or next decade...he,he,he…

I love Nietzsche for his honesty and bravery and Dr. Durant has this to say about him: “Nietzsche has been refuted by every aspirant to respectability; and yet he stands as a milestone in modern thought and a mountain peak in German prose…He spoke with bitterness, but with valuable sincerity; and his thoughts went through the clouds and cobwebs of the modern man like cleansing lightning and a rushing wind. The air of European philosophy is clearer and fresher now because Nietzsche wrote.”

Rating: Very Good!

2. Battlestar Galactica by Glen A. Larson and Robert Thurston


I am an avid Sci-fi fan Hmmmm…Battlestar Glactica was one of all my time TV sci-fi favorites. I was ten years old when the series was first shown in the Philippines. The special effects were outstanding. This was where I first saw Dirk Benedict, a matinee idol then. Then I saw him again on the series A-Team. But after A-Team, Dirk “the Face” disappeared on Philippine Television. I don’t know what happened to him.

I dreamed of owning a model of the battlestar after my father brought home an AAFE (US Army-Airforce Catalog) catalog showing models of Galactica, Enterprise, Eagle (from Space 1999) and other spacecraft from classic sci-fi series.

It was fun reading the book version of the TV series.

Rating: Fun!

3. Walden and Civil Disobedience by Henry David Thoreau



I love the outdoors. I was a former boy scout patrol leader during my grade school and high school days. But going on outdoor activities and reading other people’s outdoor activities are very, very different things. Walden is a bore with a super duper capital letter “B.” I bought the book because I have read a lot of good things about it. I started reading it about a couple of months ago and to tell the truth I didn’t finish Walden but I did finish reading “On Civil Disobedience.”

It’s a classic and sometimes one has to read a classic for stock knowledge (definitely not stimulation for the classics are, in reality, soporific literatures).

Reading this classic is like riding in a classic car. Upon riding a classic car one expects to feel the atmosphere of the era of the car, but sooner disappointed to find out that the car has poor suspension, no air-conditioning, the space cramped and the engine noisy…so instead of enjoying the trip the passenger develops calluses on his butt.

Rating: Call me a caveman but this book is “Booooriiiiiiiinnngggggggg!!!

4. The Elements of Preaching by Wiersbe and Wiersbe.

This little book is patterned after Strunk and White’s “Element of Style” and it’s a very good guide for lay preachers. But…hmmm…. Anyway, the book is like those books I hated, grammar books, lots of rules and suggestions etc. Reading it feels like my hand was being tied behind my back. The book is an old book from my brother's book shelf.

Rating: Hmmmmm….Good.


I have a lot of catching up to do with my reading.

Adjusting

I went back to the campus to have my clearances signed and one third year student asked how it felt to graduate. I replied, “Free!”

It’s summer and the heat is oppressive and I don’t know what to write…

I am now jogging. I gained a lot of weight from stress and now I am trying to lose weight. I switched from walking every afternoon to jogging (or is trotting) every morning with the hope that it will lessen the fats in my belly at the same time train my body clock to wake up and sleep early. I am now adjusting so that when I start working I will not have difficulty with my schedule.

I am not blogging that much. Maybe it’s because I haven’t that much things to let out or purge.

I had some chats with my church mates and we were talking about the kids’ camp when the conversation suddenly turned to English. I am a little (or a lot) insecure about the subject since I am not good with grammar. We were talking, murdering other people’s English (I was talking to an editor and the other is a call center agent; both are proficient in English while I am only good at identifying parts of a sentence.). We were laughing. I was thinking, I hope they don’t read my blog because here I am laughing with the experts while both my written and oral English is a classic textbook exercise for copyreaders and speech therapist. But I don’t care we were having fun and that’s what counts. (At the expense of other people of course…)

Yeheeyyyy! What's next?

With my wife Myra and daughter Jesse Faith

After four years of studying and laboring I finally received my college diploma. I am happy because I know this is what my family prayed hard for and God has heard their prayers and my prayer too. Thank you Lord.

With the Mommies of the class (this their second college degree)

Four years ago my Diche (younger older sister) invited me to attend summer theological classes at the Baptist Seminary. I had doubts if I could pass the course because judging from the theological literatures I have read, I knew that theology was too abstract for me. But I did try and I was encouraged when I did well in the New Testament and Christology classes. My Diche told me to go to college with the hope that I would go to the seminary for the ministry.

With an instructor and some of my classmates

When I came home from the seminary, the first thing I did was to prepare the necessary papers for college. I enquired and the enrolling officer told me that for someone my age, elementary education is the most practical since teachers have no age limit. I weighed her recommendations and saw the logic in it. I enrolled for the elementary education course. I never regretted the decision. I feel at ease teaching children and from the evaluations I received from them, there’s connection. (All of my pupils commented that they love my class because I made them laugh. So, I’m not only a teacher, I am also a stand up comedian.)

Some of my pupils

I feel famous. One day I was riding my motorcycle when I heard someone shouting, “SSssiiiiiiiirrrrrrrr Gggggeeeeeeeeoooorrrrrgggeee,” I stop. I had to stop. I looked and found my pupils riding in a tricycle smiling at me. All the stress and the tiredness left me on seeing my pupils smiling at me.

I will miss being mistaken for a professor and campus director. I will miss joining competitions and being mistaken for a coach, judge and instructor. I will miss doing gymnastics. I will miss dancing folk dances, modern dance,cha cha etc. I will miss the choral recitations. I will miss my classmates asking advice from me. I will miss classmate asking me what’s the English for this and for that, I will miss my instructors, I will the campus…Old as I am I never thought that graduation could be this emotional.
College Education changed the way people look at me. I am now called sir by some of my neighbors and church members. I used to make fun of teachers but I never realized how they are respected (generally speaking) until I became one.


Now what? I hate to say this but its obvious now, I am meant for the ministry. I may not like it but all indications seems to be pointing towards it. I would be the happiest person if I am wrong but I would also be the happiest person if I am right for it is the greatest privilege to serve the Lord and no one can resist His calling.

Hayyy naku!

On our way home on a passenger jeepney