Friday, May 25, 2007

Post-election Urinalysis

As usual, as the norm is, no one lost in the last Philippine election held dismay…err…rather this month of May. Election protests are flooding in even before the final votes are counted. There are petitions for transfer of canvassing, staying of counting, rechecking of election returns and whatever legal and extralegal and illegal tactics to delay the inevitable. Accusations of cheating, magic, miracles and hypnotism are being thrown left and right while the citizens watched as the winning and the winner politicians that diligently wooed them for forty-five days is now starting to evaporate like deodorized fart—they can’t even catch a waft of the cologne of these politicians’ chauffeurs. How they have changed; how they haven’t changed.

Teachers were ambushed and some were killed trying to defend the ballot boxes and what do they get? The president visiting them for what? The president’s presence merely adds insult to the pains and the losses. Hello Garci!

A schoolroom was burned and teachers and children were injured. Hello Garci!

Complaints were filed against losing candidates who didn’t pay their election volunteers like poll watchers, sample ballot givers and others. The losing candidates reasoning? They were volunteers so they were not obligated to pay these volunteers. I don’t know why my countrymen and countrywomen never got used to his kind of shameless exploitation of the poor. I have been a volunteer poll watcher twice and all of them are with losing candidates and in all of them what I got was half the amount promised. After that, I just stopped volunteering even if the amount was doubled. Imagine the hardships of volunteers guarding the candidates votes some of them are hurt and there are even cases where some are murdered and yet these shameless… (I propose conducting imprecatory payer vigils for these politicians).

Father Panlillio, a Catholic priest, won the gubernatorial election in Pampanga. And already two Barangay Captains whose barangay supported Panlillio received threats and one was even shot at injuring the Barangay Captain’s wife and nephew. Pampanga is the President of the Republic of the Philippine’s home province. A place tainted with that illegal numbers game called jueteng. It’s amazing how the wife of the biggest jueteng lord in Pampanga was elected a representative and now ran for the gubernatorial race in the province. Unfortunately for her and for the other candidate, a Lapid, the son of a former senator of the Republic of the Philippines famous for his Zorro clone movies and for hiring English interpreters in the senate, they lost. Shows that Pampanga is sick of money and of actor’s son.

The gubernatorial result in Pampanga is one of positive things that somehow gave microscopic optimism for the Filipinos this past election. I saw how the Kapampangans really fought for Panlillio; they even conducted prayer vigils for their priest-candidate for free! Father Panlillio won and this proved that, if the Filipinos really want change they can achieve it. I just hope that the Father Panlillio will survive.

Suspended Catholic priest and governor-elect Eddie Panlilio (centre) is hugged by his campaign volunteers after he was proclaimed the new governor of Pampanga province, north of Manila, late on Friday. Panlilio, a Roman Catholic priest, won a tight election race to become governor of President Gloria Arroyo's northern Philippines home province, beating Arroyo's two bickering allies.

Now there are four Arroyos in the government: Her Machiavellian Excellency Gloria, Her Excellency’s Wizard Brother in law Miguel “Iggy Pop” Arroyo, Her Excellency’s sons Mickey and Datu Arroyo. Cong Dadong Arroyo, Her Excellency’s father, the great former Philippine president known for his humility and nationalism and ethics must be weeping in his grave. A family of…hmmm…hey where’s Snow White!

Her Excellency’s husband, the First Gentleman was operated on for heart by-pass. It was rumored that the original plan was for a heart transplant unfortunately it proved to be very, very difficult to find a heart that will match and can pump the First Gentleman’s kind of blood.

In the senatorial election, Trillanes’ performance is a revelation. Although he is not the first mutineer to be elected, that is if her Machiavellian Excellency’s operatives will be prevented from operating the magic yellow voting machine. His is a different case altogether. His mutiny is not that big and action packed like Honasan’s whose exploits is Chuck Norris stuff. No, Trillanes’ mutiny is more of a Dennis Trillo stuff, the looks and the uniforms, lots of talking, the reading of letters, suave, good looks, matinee idol things. Buts still he is doing well in the election and in this trend, that is unless some mathematical operations is instigated against Trillanes votes, he will be the third military man in the senate now, together with Honasan and Lacson. What does this tell us? This three, if ever they would be in the senate, could send shiver down someone’s hemorrhoid.

Even if Trillanes lose he is already vindicated.

It seems that despite what Chairman Abalos did to Alan Peter Cayetano, Cayetano is still bound for the senate. Chairman Abalos’ allowed the candidacy of a certain Joselito Cayetano who should not only have been declared as a nuisance candidate but should have also been declared as a candidate for nuisance. Why? It’s obvious that Chairman Abalos thought that he could dilute Cayetano’s votes but it seems that Abalos, with the prospect of having Alan Cayetano plus the three military hard-donkeys in the senate, failed. Let’s watch and see how Abalos’s magic will rebound on him.

My gulay a Ping, an Honasan, a Trillanes in the senate…mistah stuff and all those hazings in the PMA…

I admire Kiko Pangilinan. He’s one guy who proved that political machine is no match for a superstar wife. Anyway, he’s very competent and politically clean. A good combination, Kiko and Sharon.

Prospero Pichay whose catchphrase is “Pichay! itanim sa Senado” (A play on Pechay a vegetable—Vegetable! plant in the Senate), as of the last counting is trailing behind. The vegetable is bound for the rabbits. What’s up Doc? The catch phrase is stupid anyway.

Richard Gomez and Cesar Montano learned a very expensive lesson. The days of actor-candidates are now over. They should have stayed in the local politics like running for Barangay Captains or Councilor or Kagawad etc.

The election is over. We have billions of pesos worth of foreign debt in the form of rotting automated counting machines and we are still using our fingers, taking weeks, people dying, children being victimized, yet here is the Chairman smiling congratulating the police for a generally peaceful election, yet and yet…

Chairman Abalos deserves a whack on his two prunes (or are they raisins) for a job well bungled. Ouuuuchhhh…that is if they’re still attached, the prunes (or the raisin) I mean.

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