I am surprised when I opened my e-mail because there was a notice in my Friendster notifying me that I had a new friend. “Well, someone finally noticed my cyber-sex appeal” I said to myself. But I was surprised to find that my new Friendster is a local politician campaigning for the councillorship of the little India of the Philippines, the Municipality of Cainta. (When the British occupied the Philippines in the 1700’s they brought along their Indian Sepoy foot soldiers. These Sepoys settled in Cainta and became part of the community. They married the locals and their dark skinned, tall and high bridged nosed descendants now reside in the interior of the town called “Baryo”. Hence, Cainta became synonymous with tall handsome and beautiful dark skinned people, the descendants of Indian Sepoys.)
I approved of this kind of campaigning. Why? Saves a lot of paper! I think it’s time the COMELEC think about the environment and start thinking of a creative way to make election campaigning paperless. Imagine how many trees are felled to make these leaflets and posters. The sad thing, nobody reads this leaflets and posters. Why not just hire barkers and post them 50 meters apart shouting the candidates’ names and credentials—saves trees and provides employment for the neighborhood gossips too. See, the advantage, ha, ha, ha.
The Philippines is the text capitol of the word. Why not put texting into good use? Why not ask the cell phone service provider to allow campaigning through texting? Better yet, why can’t we vote through texting. If we can elect Pinoy Pop Superstars and Starstruck Survivors why can’t we elect presidents through text?
Or why not turn the election for the President of the Republic of the Philippines into the “American Idol” or “Starstruck” format?! “Dream, Believe, and Die you rabbits!” Much better than the comedy going on now.
We make the candidates dance, sing, fight wars, do street sweeping, clean blocked drainage, vacuum septic tanks, sell sampaguitas on the street, eat day old chicks, swim in Pasig River naked, rummage through garbage dumps for food…all those reality thing contestant do for a million bucks on TV. Then we cast votes through text on who captured our hearts to become the president of the Republic of the Philippines. Saves money and at the same time earns money too. And most of all saves us from the trouble of listening to all those subliminally migraine inducing jingles and vomitable slogans fit for encouraging the mating of hermaphrodite earthworms for use in manufacturing hotdogs and fishballs.
There are a lot of public infrastructure constructions and maintenance jobs in progress now. Although this is not allowed because it favors the incumbent candidates, somehow they find ways circumnavigating the prohibition. I have a suggestion to the COMELEC that will make their life, and our life, the citizens, easier; why not extend the campaign period; why not make it a 5,000 day campaign period and then ban all construction projects during the 5,000 day campaign period. I’m sure we will see all these waiting sheds will popping up like mushroom everywhere. A little conversion here and there and we can turn this waiting shed into cute, little cottages for the homeless. He, see, the advantage, ha, ha, ha. I was on my way to the mountainous, NPA infested barangay Daraitan, Tanay, Rizal when I noticed that the road to the mountain community has a lot of beautiful waiting sheds. I did a rough estimation and the figure was staggering! The waiting shed per population ratio there is three waiting sheds per five people!!!! Now isn’t that for the records. (Nah, I'm exaggerating.)