Saturday, May 14, 2011

Parades...some logical suggestions

On my way to my morning walk, I noticed a traffic jam near the public market. Curious, I took a look. The reason for the jam was a group of basketball players having a parade.

I have nothing against parades. Parades are fun especially during town anniversaries and fiestas where there are floats with movie stars waving and smiling (each wave and each smile costing the local taxpayers thousands of pesos) marching bands showing  off their  skills, motorcycle clubs doing stunts and exhibitions with their bikes, cycling clubs promoting healthy transportation, gays with their comical  constumes and gyrating dance, and other local organizations joining in to make the event festive. Parades are fun.

But parades should be regulated by the authorities. Maybe there are already ordinances enacted to do this, but from this morning experience, I am assuming there are none.

Here are my suggestions:
  • Parades shall not be done on (or is it in) national highways except for national security reasons like the parade of the Marine Corp, Philippine Army, PNP etc. in response to an alien invasion...
  • Parades shall have proper and defined area of concern or limits. For example, if the local barangay officials want to do a parade to promote their inter-purok basketball league, the parade shall be done in the puroks and not on major thorough fares. The barangay officials with the marching bands, the players and the muses and the whole entourage shall enter the narrow, dog-poop filled, and stinking narrow streets of their puroks. This is only logical because these people in the purok are the one who will watch the basketball league and not the motorists and the commuters. 
  • Parades shall have prescribed speed. Since most parades not only hamper the flow of traffic but they also hamper the movement of the pedestrians, I propose that parades shall have a prescribed parading speed of thirty kilometers per hour. By doing this, the convenience of the ordinary pedestrians is not compromised. Also, the amount of time to finish the parade route is greatly lessened. 

  • Lastly, major, festive, large parades shall be done between twelve midnight to two in the morning. The logic behind this proposal is obvious.

One, it will not hamper the normal flow of traffic. 

Two, the glutathione and the astringent treated skins of the actors, the government officials, and the ordinary folks would not be damaged by the ultra violet rays of the sun. 

Third, great amount of energy is saved. If one would study and calculate the amount of fuel uselessly wasted by idling engines of vehicles stuck in traffic, the amount would be staggering—enough to pay our foreign debts. Also, the amount of air pollution would be greatly diminished because there are no idling engines that belch out poisonous gasses.
Fourth, heat stroke would not be a problem.

Fifth, it would promote the goto, pancitan, and other small businesses .Small time lugawan, balutan and pacitan would experience an overnight boom in sales.

Sixth, it would not inconvenience ordinary Filipinos like me.

I am thinking of applying these suggestions to processions and funerals,,but,then,I don't want to be insensitive.

Nahhhh...I'm just having fun venting out my hmmm...what do you call this...irritation  on this blog:-)


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