Amplified bikes

There are two types of gasoline engine that I know of: the two-stroke engine and the four-stroke engine. The two-stroke is characterized by its high-pitched whine while the four-stroke is characterized by its low-pitch hum. The thing is, I can’t identify what type of engine my Kumpare’s scooter has. It’s no smaller than my dog but it creates a lot of rumpus whenever it passes by our house. Our dogs’ howls, our windows rattle, and its sonic boom will beat an F16 jet fighter anytime. I never know that scooter engines can create electrical interference especially from a distance but my Kumpares’s scooter’s engine does. My TV reacts every time he starts the engine, the audio sizzles and the video exhibits an “ant march” due to whatever energy the engine emits.

I asked my Pare (pal) where he bought his scooter, and he told me that he bought it second hand--it was an imported Japanese surplus. Now, I was wondering, is it possible that what he had bought is an experimental secret weapon that the Japanese was developing? That it was a prototype that was stolen and accidentally mixed with the surpluses? What other explanation is there for the scooters strange capabilities. I think the Armed Forces of the Philippine’s Intelligence service should take a look into this.

First world countries’ motor-industries spend millions of dollars on research to lower the noise emissions of their engines. They employ the best acoustics specialists and engineers to design sophisticated and efficient exhaust systems that will balance the engines need for ventilation, and at the same time meet the legal requirement for noise emission. I noticed that here in our beloved motherland the opposite is happening. Our “gingeeners” are designing special mufflers that will make a Honda Dream 100 cc. or a Lifan Waaves 125cc sound like a 2000cc Harley Davidson Easy Rider. I don’t know what they wish to accomplish with this, but even if they put a 100,000 watts Pioneer audio amps on the butt of these bikes it will never go as fast as the Harleys. That’s the problem with most Filipinos they want to attract attention even in the most obnoxious way (like putting an H to every syllable on their name). Now, if they want the sound of big engine, why don’t they just get a bigger bike instead of buying a scooter, setting it up, and spending more money, which if you add up will enable them to buy a new car. Motorbikes are good if use for what they are designed for; that is, to move people and goods, and for leisure and recreation, but if used as a sonic weapon it is dangerous and can be fatal.

Now, I talked to my Kumpare (pal) about his bike, I told him about the problem and the inconvenience his scooter is giving the neighborhood, he promised to fix it, and he did. He bought and installed a new muffler and the effect is amazing. Now instead of hearing the sonic boom of an F16 fighter jet what I hear now is the thumping sound of a helicopter. And instead of being rudely awakened I now can sleep except I kept having “flashback” nightmares of the Vietnam War every time the scooter pass by our window. Anyway he’s a good Kumpare (pal) of mine so I’ll just keep my nightmares to myself and keep the friendship.

But I still think that the AFP Intelligence service should take a look at that scooter.