This is frustrating because it seems that my attention span has dwindled to a few seconds, and I can not get to the point where the interest builds up.
I miss the days when I could focus on one movie, one book, one task. Now, I can't decide on a choice whether it be a movie, a book, and musical piece to study and learn because there's just too many of them available online now.
There must be name for this condition. I mean, everything has a name now.
I Googled "I cant decide disorder" and there it was:
Aboulomania (from Greek a– 'without', and boulÄ“ 'will') is a mental disorder in which the patient displays pathological indecisiveness. It is typically associated with anxiety, stress, depression, and mental anguish, and can severely affect one's ability to function socially.
Well, maybe not that bad. Its just that.
I don't want to waste my time watching a bad show. The Last movie I saw in full in weeks was "I Care a Lot" with Rosamund Pike and Tyrrion Lannister (yup, he is Tyrrion to me now), and I had to fast forward it by 10 seconds every time the scenes became dragging. This is not good. Just like in music, silence is important, it builds up anticipation that leads to the climax.
I have lost appreciation in the art of anticipating, of waiting for the denouma, the revelation, whatever it is called, because the power to fast forward movies, music and even books has been granted to me by technology.
I grew up in the 80's and 90's before ICT era. We had a cabinet type Zenith vacuum tube TV which was later replaced by the transistor type NIVICO 12 inch TV. This was the boob tube that I had spent my teen age and adulting years with until it conked out in 2000s. It served the family for almost two decades.
I saw eclectic collection of movies from Mel Brooks classic Young Frankenstein, The Last Time I saw Paris with Elizabeth Taylor, Bertollucci's The Last Emperor, to Richard Attenborough's Life on Earth.
I also devoured paperbacks like there's no tomorrow, I could finish a James Michener novel in a day but now I could hardly get through a 2 minute Esquire article.
Anyway, I think most people have indecisive moments and get by normally. Its just that this is made worse by the fact that there too many options now especially with the internet. So unlike 20 years ago when it was so boring in the afternoons that one can learn and play a musical instrument within a week, or read a tome in a day, or got to have a lot of good and unforgettable time with friends chatting in street corners just wasting time hanging around, looking at the surroundings, observing people, listening to music, singing along to the accompaniment of a badly tuned guitar, being in the moment, things move so fast now.
People still hang around now but they are trapped, mesmerized by a small screen. Like me.
Boredom is important, the right one, that is. The time to think about nothing for ithout it, we cannot declutter the mind. Boredom is the space and playground where the mind gets creative.

















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