The Church of Voltes V

What is reality? Do I have choices? If God knew what would happen and if He knew that I would go to hell then my fate is sealed. If things are foreordained then where is choice? If there is human freedom and God does not know what will be the individual’s choice, then God is not God for he had limitations?

My best friend Dude kept asking me these questions. This was the last time we had a bonding session (beer bonding to be exact). I don’t know what the matter with him is, but every time he had beer the topic would always shift to these metaphysical questions. He may not have the finesse and the technical terminologies of a philosopher and a theologian but with a little alcohol Dude can do a lot of heavy philosophizing and theologizing that will confound even Plato, Aristotle, and Barth and the rest of his neo orthodox theologian gang.

Once in my life I grappled with these questions. I even had the feeling that I was not normal. My friends were all busy with the worldly things, yet here I was dealing with the questions of reality, of God, Evil and Good, and the next life. With the death of my father and the separation with my siblings—they all studied in the seminary—the thread that holds my faith together snapped. These questions began to have a life of their own. They became my justifications—which that time I honestly believed that I was an atheist—for my unholy actions. It was then that I discovered alcohol. And this is also the time I found out that my best friend had the same enlightenment that I had. We discussed theology and philosophy (our own brand of it anyway), and we found that we share the same views. We even came up with the idea of inventing a religion based on nature--which I later learned was called pantheism and panentheism.

Now I’m older. The answers to these questions I had already found. The answer was “there was no answer”. This may sound strange. But when one accepted the fact that the intellect can only do so much and when one started to realize that one’s mind is finite then this is the only acceptable answer. And to try to further would only lead to manic depression and insanity.

One thing that happened with my acceptance of the “no answer” answer was that I became open to faith. With so many questions unanswered my priorities changed from finding the answers to these questions to asking the right questions. And from asking the right questions I later realized the need for faith for the questions I asked defied thinking.

I stopped my spiritual explorations (drinking sessions) and contended myself on what I can understand and believe. But my best friend is made of different stuff; last time we talked he proposed inventing a religion that would accept all religious dogmas while promoting the deity of Voltes V. and the sainthood of the Armstrong brothers: St. Steve, St. Little John, and St. Big Bert. He’s not crazy and I know he’s just joking but the scary thing is he might succeed.

But of course finding faith does not mean one is holy….It’s a painful daily struggle for me to be holy.