Only in the Philippines

This is my top ten “Only in the Philippines” list. Some are old news but their humor and irony is timeless.

• In line with the effort of the Philippine National Police to improve its image, the First Gentleman donated dentures to its operatives. It can now be said that the Philippines has a police force with a teeth. Bite the criminals!
• Where will you find the largest septic tank in the world? In the Philippines it’s called the Pasig River. We love kangkong or water spinach and where do you think they are cultivated?
• Did you know that the Philippines is the monogram capitol of the world? Here you can find the initials of politicians everywhere in waiting sheds, trash cans, railings, overpass, underpass, service vehicles, private vehicles, ambulances, caritons (pushcarts), calendars, candies, buko stand, candies, funerals, weddings, etc. Mark of the beast they are.
• The Malabanan Family would have been one of the most successful families in the Philippines, that is, if they had not divided the family business and competed among their selves. They would have had a monopoly on the septic tank “liposuction” business and maybe even have established a business empire that caters on the sanitary needs of the Filipinos. But only in the Philippines will you find a family split literally over “liquefied excrement”. Now they are competing against each other searching for the largest deposits of you know what, not oil definitely.
• Only in the Philippines will you find stores that conducts clearance sale, 50% off sales, special sale, and buy one take one sale, on a daily basis. I wonder why they never suffer losses or how are they able to make a profit. I know the reason. We are all mathematically dead.
• The Philippine congress passed a law that is supposed to prevent political dynasties. But instead of stopping political dynasties what it did is to promote it in a more destructive manner. Instead of dealing with the political power of just one person in a family now we have to deal with the wife, mistress, husband, brother, sister, cousin, maid, and other nincompoops who is made to run for public office as a dummy of the incumbents whose terms ended. I won’t be surprised if I find out that there are comedians running for the vice presidency of the country. Ha? There was one…Amay Bisaya ran as the VP of Imelda Marcos? How low can we go? But definitely there will never be an illiterate in the senate. Ha? There was one…there was a senator who was once an actor and a governor that hired “listeners and readers” to translate and decipher English documents and discussions in the senate. I…
• Only in the Philippines will you find a Montessori school located in the middle of a stressful and congested city. Sorry, Maria Montessori.
• Why is it that despite the depreciation of the peso, lowered credit rating and terrorist bombings, fiscal deficit and poverty, shopping malls continued to sprout like mushrooms in the city? Even here in my beloved Taytay a new SM Mall is being constructed. There has to be an explanation for this paradox. Asthma, maybe.
• There was news coverage of an accident where a speeding vehicle plowed through two or three children. It was found later that the driver is an amputee. The question is how in the name of Odin and all the fatalist gods of Valhalla can an amputee get a drivers license to drive a vehicle not designed for his handicap? Only here in the Philippines. This is tragic because the lives of those children would have been saved if not for the criminal negligence of the authorities. Brain amputees.
• Only in the Philippines will you find the greatest number of Divas. There is the divine diva, soulful diva, inspirational diva, rock diva, R&B diva, dance diva, Korean telenovela diva, mega diva, leaning diva, birit diva, novelty song diva, jazz diva, pop diva, etc. In fact due to the popularity of the word in the Philippines Webster, the dictionary company is now studying the possibility of redefining the word as a tribute to the Filipino “divas”. They proposed to change the definition from goddess to singing tonsils and nose lifts (I see some semblance between Michael Jackson and Regine Velasquez, promise.).
  
  
  I love my beloved country because here you can die laughing at the insanities of the Filipino’s inanity or at the inanities of the Filipino’s insanity. Now some politicians are trying to change the country’s constitution to better improve the country’s government. How logically illogical or illogically logical can one get?