Videoke Blues

When I attended my wife's family reunion in Gumaca, Quezon, we hired a videoke machine. I was shocked when I saw that the video being shown was a PowerPoint presentation of the supposed achievements of a Quezon Province congressman. What was worse was that I am informed that all barangays were given these machines. Reminded me of the Nazi Goebel...(Photo not mine)

We got home from Baguio from our New Year’s break at 3 o’clock this morning. We rested for a while and then we slept. After a few hours, we were rudely awakened by a neighbor singing, at the top of his voice, Blue Bayou, a classic by Linda Rondstadt, complete with the mispronunciations and the Visayan accent.

I have nothing against Visayan accent, heck I am a half Visayan myself, but, really, one cannot help but be amused (well in this case, irritated) by this. I used to sing Karaoke too, but, that was when I was still living in sin, unsaved, condemned and fallen from grace. But when the realization came that the Karaoke was in C Major while my singing voice was in B minor, I quit. I   stopped and instead went on to play guitar in the church.

I have nothing against Karaoke. I mean, karaoke singing is fun especially the ones that tells the singer’s score after the piece. And for some, an artificial girl’s voice telling them that they got 99 for their singing is already an affirmation of their singing talent. That is until I tried the machine and I got a score of 50, I doubt the scoring method these machines use.

But, but, but… Again I have nothing against Karaokes or videokes. I have nothing against singing too. I believe singing is a basic human right. But singing and Karaoke are two different things. All human beings have the right to sing. I mean all. This right is inviolable and is on top of our basic human rights.

But just like any rights, it is regulated by common sense and common decency. One does not sing while his mouth is full; one does not sing dirges in birthdays; or one does not sing happy birthday in funerals (except when it is the deceased birthday). These rules, or conventions, are built in our heads. It’s a priori, deontological and these are examples of Kant’s categorical imperative.

Anyway, when it comes to karaoke and videoke machines, I think it is time our legislators create guidelines and laws. Normal singing voice is ok. No problem even if the singer’s voice is flat, sharp, atonal, alto, soprano, tenor, round, sandpaper-like, etc. It’s okey. No problemo. But when these voices are amplified and accompanied by machines with their artificial-mechanical-robotlike midi accompaniment, well, things change. The harmless singing becomes…not harmless.

Really, kidding aside, videoke, like firecrackers, should be regulated because sometimes, one cannot tell the difference between bad singing and nuclear explosion and the damage to the ear drums that they cause is almost identical. Really, sometimes videoke singing does more damage than physical, they have deleterious psychological impact too.