Thursday, July 27, 2017

Forty Five and some (useless) thoughts

I was ecstatic that classes were suspended today which means I get to enjoy my birthday doing nothing! 

I guess many would find this a bit strange that a birthday celebrant would rather spend his special day doing nothing than celebrating, but this is how I like it. Cheap, stress free and I get to spend my day with the things I enjoy, family and home. Hahahaha

Getting old, one of my childhood friends now describes me as an old man who hated noise, an allusion to Ka Anto our old  neighbor who in our childhood used to chase us away from the front of his noise house because of the ruckus we made while playing.  We used to tease him by hiding behind the Rosal hedge that surrounded his house and then calling out to his grandchildren, our playmates, but he was always there, like a security guard telling us to go home and sleep. Sleep in the afternoon was a must for children back then, a requirement for healthy growth. Now the very same thing is happening to me, karma, "the curse" as a friend joked to me; I am now the Ka Anto.

I guess middle age does that, nostalgia.

My father died of leukemia at this age, which I though back then was already old. I guess when you're young death is something that is afar, not thought about. But as the years moved along, now in my middle age, time is getting more precious as I get old. 

I have spent my youth in foolishness, a waste. I am adding up the amount of money I spent on beer, gins, rums, cigarettes in my youth and I found out that it was enough to buy me a vehicle and maybe a down payment for a small house. There were times I think and rue about these bad decisions, especially the way I have treated my mother and my siblings, but it's all in the past and I am happy that at least I was able to move along and sort of redeem myself by becoming a productive part of the community.

Forty five years old and what? 

I am not rich. How can I be, I'm a teacher. I'm a sci fi fan and I had this notion that some where out there in an alternate universe there's a very successful copy of me who is a billionaire. The idea is comforting.  But of course, the idea could also be the opposite, I mean in another alternate universe, I could be a hobo or something. Another useless thought hahahaha.

Being poor in middle age does have its worries but I have learned to surrender it to fate and not lose sleep over it. I am not burdened and tied to careers, profits and properties and the only major worry I have is to get my daughter through college and lived to see that she had a good job. 

I have come to the realization, many may dis agree with, that in middle age, it's time to slow down, enjoy works of art and music (not necessarily classical), look at the how wonderful our world is, enjoy the trees, the rain, the storm, etc. Enjoy the little things life offers and avoid things that rob us of its enjoyment.

So, heres looking forward to next year. Enjoy life one day at a time hahahahahah

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