Nuno sa Punso (Fiction)

“Why do the people here avoid that anthill?” Charles, also known as the American tourist from Nebraska who likes to wear tight denim jeans, asked.
“People here are superstitious. They believed that there is an old man that lives inside that anthill, and it would be rude to look at the anthill’s direction. People here tell stories of how even just pointing at anthills can make your finger grow big.” Pepe from Bulacan said.

Now, Charles, also known as the American tourist from Nebraska who likes to wear tight denim jeans, had a problem. He is insecure because he thinks he’s not big enough. He was divorced five times and he always blames the size of his manhood as the cause of his divorces. When he heard the story of the anthill, of how merely pointing at them can make a finger grow big; he had an idea.

He searched for the largest anthill he can find. And when he found one, he pulled down his pants and pissed on it. “I know it’s just superstition but who knows? Saves money on plastic surgery, might as well try.” Charles, also known as the American tourist from Nebraska who likes to wear tight denim jeans, smiled.

After a few days:

“Why are you wearing pajamas?” Pepe from Bulacan asked Charles, also known as the American tourist from Nebraska who likes to wear tight denim jeans.

“I run out of jeans.” Charles, also known as the American tourist from Nebraska who likes to wear tight denim jeans, replied.

“Why are you walking like a duck?” Pepe from Bulacan asked Charles, also known as the American tourist from Nebraska who likes to wear tight denim jeans.

But Charles, also known as the American tourist from Nebraska who likes to wear tight denim jeans, like a penguin, rudely turned around and walked away trying to hide the two basketballs between his legs. And his manhood, small as ever, was dwarfed by the two humungous…you know what.

Now, Charles is known as the American tourist from Nebraska who likes to wear loose pajamas. He is also sometimes called the penguin.

Moral lesson: Don’t blame the size.