Thesis titles and stories

Here I go again racking and juggling my brains trying to write questionnaires for my thesis. The thing is I find it very, very, very difficult to do things that I don’t like; like writing a thesis and writing questionnaires for a thesis. My brain cells simply refuse to work; they will not follow my orders. I’ve tried music to waken them and to get them into that writing mood but…Coffee works, but my classmates told me that I’m starting to look dehydrated and miserable, but what can I do? I’m a night person and all that coffee only worsens my insomnia. But if its coffee that I must have in order to finish this unspeakable thesis, then coffee it is.

Since I’m into student organizations, I chose our campus student organizations as the subject of my research. The first and second chapter of the thesis was simple enough; I just wrote a corny essay about the blah, blah, blah, of student organizations, and the blah, blah, blah…

My thesis is boring.

Now, my science major classmates are another thing. Their theses’ titles are really, really creative and I wish I could write even just the introduction of their research for I know that I will do a very good job of introducing their concepts.

For example:

Feasibility of Using Rotten Tomato in Making Paper.

My introduction would start with…

Background of the study

The Philippines is one of the major growers of tomatoes in the world. Since the country has a lot of rotten tomatoes disguised as politicians the country has the potential of becoming the rotten tomato paper capital of the world…

Feasibility of Using Talbos ng Camote in Making Candies

Background of the Study

Camote (Fartus Promotus G. (as in George) is an indigenous Philippine root crop. It is available every year. Since scientists have proven the flatus producing property of the plant, the researcher deemed it proper to make it consumer friendly by disguising the camote as candies (of course the researchers are still awaiting the result of the test done to see if the gas emissions that will result in the eating of the candies will comply with the Kyoto Protocol on Greenhouse gasses).

Problems Encountered in Thesis Writing

Background of the study

Thesis writing is the most boring thing on earth. The National Center for Mental Health lists thesis writing as the number one cause of suicides among students. In this regard, the researchers deemed it timely to write a boring thesis about writing a boring thesis….Bang!!!!

Feasibility of Using Kangkong as ingredient for Burger Putties

Background of the study

The Philippines has a lot of body of water. Pasig is the most historically significant of these bodies of water. With the proposals this feasibility study will come up with, the economic potential of Pasig River could be realized. It is well known that because of the high organic waste content of Pasig River it is the ideal place for cultivating water spinach (Kangkong). With the nutritional elements of organic waste in Pasig River’s water infused in the Kangkongs, the solution to the country’s malnutrition problem is near at hand... (Soylent Green! Soylent Green! Soylent Green!)

An Evaluation of the Written English Communication Skills of Non-English Majors

Background of the study

The students in the majoring of non-English is measured their skill on the communication about writing. The researchers are try to found out the encountering problems of these students and the solving to the problems…

Implementation of Gender Awareness and Development Program in the Campus

Background of the Study

Man are created equal. He is created with no distinctions except in their physical appearance.

With this study, the university will be able to evaluate the effectivity of the campaigns against gender bias in the campus for the university believed that men are created equal no matter what their sex is...

These are actual theses titles. There are more but I need to get back to work.

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I remember one critic telling this story.
She was proofreading a thesis titled Feasibility of Using Squash as Shoe Polish and when she came to one of the charts she was astounded at what she read. The first three columns were on durability tests etc. but when she came to the fourth column she found a Palatability test.
“If you’re going to copy other people’s thesis make sure you do it right!” She told the plagiarizers.

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I was looking at some of my instructors’ masteral theses and I’m impressed. It seems that the higher you are on the academic studies the heavier your thesis will be. I mean, the thickness of the papers….I remember my Measurement and Evaluation instructor telling us that one of the methods used by lazy teachers in grading essays is by measuring the length of the essays using a ruler. “Hmmmmm, twelve inches, 90 percent; hmmm, 4 inches 75 percent lang…”
And I am looking at the masteral theses…”Hmmmmm, 3 kilos, 1.8; hmmmmm, 4 kilos, 1.5; hmmmmmm, 1 ton, flat 1…” “Guard! Paki tawag yung magbobote!”

My original thesis was about textbooks. I plan to evaluate them because they contain errors that are obviously not typographical. Most of our textbooks are just cut and paste works of foreign authors. Some are so sloppily written that they are simply a waste of ink and paper.

(“This is not a novel [book] to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force”—Dorothy Parker. “This is not a book to be thrown with great force. It should be force- fed to the authors, without water if possible”—George C. dela Paz)

There are even imported Indian textbooks that are not fit for Filipino consumption. I have nothing against the Indians but their English syntax is definitely different from ours. I’m not saying they are bad, just different-- must be a dialectical blah, blah, blah. (For the Afro-American they call their English Dialect Ebionism from Ebony. One American author proposed to call our English dialect Filipinism from Filipino. Now for the Indians well…I don’t want to be politically unpolitical…figure it out.)
Of course my first title was shot down even before its defense. “College students don’t use textbooks. You have academic freedom to use any book you think is right and you don’t have the expertise to analyze books.” That’s it.
Then why buy all those text books, may I ask? I’m not an expert but I plan to write about it from a student’s perspective. Anyway, one doesn’t have to be an expert to see how bad our text books are. Grrr!!! Grrr!!! Grrr!!!...

Why? Oh, Why? Oh, Why? How can I finish this thesis if I kept writing about nonsense stuff!

Talking about non sense I heard this story….enough!!!!! (You know these parentheses) (It’s really my mind debating.) (Write on about nonsense) (No, you must finish your thesis.) About nonsense….(no) Yes) (Stop) (finish your thesis). I am one hell of a crazy guy.