The Allies declared war on the Philippines!!!!!

And the day came when the Englishmen found out that their pure and pristine English became nothing more than an ancient and dying English dialect. It was too late when they found out that a new strain of the language aroused. It was too late because they were too busy trying to purify their English, to keep the rule of grammar and semantics rigid and free from other influences, they we’re too busy that one morning they were confounded and aghast when they heard on the news, “Brian Howard-Jones was found dead in the river Thames and her majesty’s police thinks he was salvaged”… “Former British Prime Minister Lady Margaret Thatcher announced her plan to run in the parliament again against another Prime Ministeriable Jones Brian-Howard”… “Reporter: What can you say about the Royal Police’s stringent anti-terror policies? Mrs. Howard Brian-Jones: I am very, very glad that her majesty is protecting her subjects. Now, I feel very safety…”

Her Majesty was shocked. Her Majesty’s Grammarians were shocked, the lexicologists were shocked, the semanticists, the philosophers of language, the linguistic theologians, the military, the Royal Order of Plumbers, they were all shocked at the mutilation of their beloved Royal English and most of all they were shocked because they can’t explain how it happened.

They fought back. Oh, how they fought back! They conducted a global war campaign. They hired lecturers of English to conduct re-indoctrination and to purify the Language. But they were shocked to find the lecturers writing feverishly on the board. They were writing on the board! They were writing on the board! The lecturers were writing feverishly on the board while their audience sleepily wrote on their spiral-with pictures of actors for cover-notebooks.

Armageddon! Damnation! Perdition to the enemy of her majesty’s language! They shouted. But the invasion was unstoppable.

Then they look at their children and think of what kind of language they will grow up with. Barbarous! They shouted and gritted their teeth. Then they caught a glimpse of their baby sitters smiling, smiling that contemptuous smile, their Filipino baby sitters were smiling contemptuously.

And the Allies declared war on the Philippines.